I failed the Granny Test! UGH!

I failed! I failed miserably! I'm even failing as I write this blog....

You see I went to church last night for a special Seder presentation. That's not the failure....

And I just got back from Michigan.....here it is....wait.....

I got bombarded by all the wonderful grannys at my church....they wanted pictures! ugh! I wasn't prepared. Even this morning I guess I should be downloading more current pictures of that sweet baby on my iphone so I can share it with the world today at church....but here I am reflecting instead. I am such the failure! :)

NO I'M NOT!

The way that God created me I have learned that I don't multitask very well. I have a hard time documenting AND investing. A lot of my friends do this very well. I'm jealous. I can't. I've tried. I do one well and am a failure at the other. I've tried.

I don't have many pictures of my kids while they are growing up and most of the pictures that I do have are in a box...kind of organized (just ask Kirsten, she tried looking for them last summer). I have some up around my house in picture frames, but none are in those albums I had bought. You see, I decided a long time ago that I'd rather play with my kids than record everything. I loved playing with my kids. We'd go on "hikes" (well around the neighborhood), and jump in puddles and I'd take them to the pool (I'd stay in the shade most of the time not to burn) and we'd go to the beach and watch cartoons together and color and do homework (well, I'd grade and they'd do homework) at the dining room table and we'd cook (or I'd cook and they hung out) and I'd go to their games (a lot of games, I considered myself their number one fan. When I wasn't able to go I'd pray the whole time) and....you get the picture (well, there's no picture, but you do know what I mean, don't you?).

So when I went to MI this past week I packed my camera, even took it out...but I don't think that I have one new picture on it. I did take a few on my iphone. But I was busy! I was holding Elsie and changing Elsie and feeding Elsie (that's my new sweet grand daughter!). And I was hanging out with David and Amber and learning all about their wedding plans and walking around Frankenmuth with them. And I was cooking with Kirsten and feeding her food that she misses and buying her the best fudge in the world. And I was talking with Bethany and hugging Bethany (well, I was hugging them all) and washing their dishes and doing their laundry and checking out Joel's new pictures. And Dave was hurting his back ( :) )as he tried to keep up with Joel and the rest of the guys when I was with Bethany and the baby.

I'm sure that my life will not be documented too much by pictures. In fact, I'm pretty confident of that fact. So later generations will not know that I'm there very much...but I hope that my kids and my grandkids will know. I think they will. I hope they will.

*disclaimer: for my wonderful friends who do document...you do it very well and I am jealous! I love you and want to be more like you! :)

"Oh Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things!" Psalm 98:1a

Weakness

1We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me." Romans 15:1-3 (New International Version)

One of my weaknesses is a fear of failure. That I just wouldn't measure up, be good enough, or literally fail. I'm not sure why this is a fear of mine, but it is and it is very real. Sometimes it rules my choices.

Another weakness of mine is that I'm ideal about the amount of time that it takes me to accomplish some things. And so I pack my day with "good things" and then fall exhausted in my bed with my to do list not really even started.

These two weaknesses collided this morning. Well, they've been on a path towards collison for at least a month. With everything else in my world I decided to take ANOTHER online class. (Now mind you I signed up for it before the first class when I figured out that I am not too good at online classes....I'm better with a teacher in 3D...I figured this out in my "learning styles" class :) ) It's the last day of the class and I'm going to fail because I kept forgetting about it.

I didn't tell Dave about the commitment to the class that I kept forgetting to do....well, mind you, I did remember: at midnight, while teaching my class, when my daughter was on the computer taking her online Spanish class with me helping her, etc. But during my day when I was doing normal things like shopping or laundry or cooking or reading my Bible I would forget and then work on something else instead of having one of the girls or Dave do those things so I could get my class done.

I can say with peace that the only regret I have for how I've invested my time in the past month is that I wasn't able to fit that online class in. I haven't really wasted much of my time when I could have been doing the class. I've invested it mostly in the people around me, the ones that are always there and the ones that come in and out of my life. I think it was worth it.

I asked Dave this morning if it was ok if I failed. He said yes. That was such a freeing word for him to give me this morning.

I love the fact that Dave loves me even in my weakness. He reflects God's love to me that I don't have to have it all together, I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to pass everything to earn his love.

In my weakness I can see Dave's love shine even more brightly. In my weakness I can see God's love poured out on me.